Hi everyone. I don’t know if I have some kind of psychological problem. I’ve had a hot temper since I was a child — when I get angry, I break things, and sometimes I hit my head against the wall (my mother and my uncle do the same thing when they’re angry). Lately it’s been happening more often, because of conflict with my older sister — starting from small, petty things and now extending to my entire family, because I feel like I’m the extra one. Growing up, whatever my sister wanted, she got. I just got whatever was left over. Now I feel a deep sense of unfairness, and even the smallest things lead to constant arguments. Sometimes when I’m angry I’ll slam the table, snap chopsticks, or smash bowls.
Since the beginning of 2026, and peaking in May, I punched through a glass door, and things still haven’t gotten much better since then. During every argument, I become disrespectful toward everyone, even though I never used to be like that. I actually love talking, but when I’m angry I go almost silent. And every time I get angry, I start thinking about finding a way out through reincarnation, because I feel like my life has already gone so wrong. I first had this thought back in 8th grade, but at the time I thought about my parents growing old, so the thought gradually faded. After 10 years, it’s come back stronger because of the conflict with my family. I used to try hard to live up to my duty as a filial child, but ever since the family conflict started, I’ve felt deeply discouraged — both my job and my family life are unstable. Sometimes I just want it all to be over. The photo below is from when I punched through the glass door.
Answer
Hi, what you’re calling a “hot temper” isn’t actually a personality trait at all. It’s really a sign of anger that has been building up for a long time. Because of how your family raised you — possibly through control or imposed expectations — you developed a deep sense of unfairness and resentment. But you weren’t able to express it at the time, so you had to push it down inside. Day after day, year after year, it accumulated and grew, until at some point it reached a breaking point and needed to explode.
At first, that might show up as slamming a table or breaking a bowl, like you described. But if this continues and the anger keeps building, you may eventually move toward destroying property or hurting someone else. Anger is naturally wired to fight against an enemy — so in the moment you’re angry, you start treating the other person as an enemy. That’s why you become disrespectful, and in more severe cases, it can lead to actually hurting them.
There’s something important you need to pay attention to: the thoughts about “escaping” that you mentioned have stayed with you for years, and recently they’ve gotten heavier. That’s a sign you’ve been carrying far too much, alone, for far too long. Please see a doctor or a mental health professional soon, so you can get a full evaluation and the proper care.
If anger is never released — in one way or another — and just keeps getting suppressed, it can eventually turn into other forms of psychological distress, including psychosis.
So the first thing you need to do is get yourself out of the anger state itself. Every time you feel yourself about to explode, break something, or say something hurtful, stop and take 5 to 10 deep breaths. This will help you calm down almost immediately. The first few times, you might already have broken something before you even realize you were angry — that’s completely normal, forgive yourself for those early moments. As you get used to observing yourself, you’ll start noticing the anger the instant it appears, and you’ll be able to breathe through it in time. This is only a short-term tool — it helps you get out of the anger in the moment, avoid arguments, and stop resentment from building up further.
Long-term solution
Your anger comes from the way you’ve been treated within your family. So if it’s at all possible, try to become financially independent and move out on your own. This will stop you from accumulating more anger every single day — though it will take real effort on your part.
That said, the anger that has already built up over the past decade is still stored in your body. It can continue to show up as a short temper, irritability, or even rudeness toward other people. Underneath it is a deep sense of insecurity, which can make you more prone to stress at work and conflict in relationships. So if you’re able to, you should see a therapist to work through this long-suppressed psychological weight. If this goes well, you’ll feel calmer, safer, and healthier — and from there, your life can become genuinely happier.
You can also read “Demystifying Anxiety, Fear, and Anger” to fully understand how these emotions work. If seeing a therapist isn’t an option for you right now, you can practice the exercises in the book to begin healing on your own.