The question:
I’m 22, and I just graduated with a degree in Business Administration from a university in a small city. After graduating, I feel completely lost about life, like I’m utterly useless. My job right now isn’t even that stressful, and my workplace is close to where I live — but for some reason, I still feel stressed every time I go to work. I’ve lived away from home for 4 years now, yet lately I miss home just as badly as I did the very first time I moved to the city for school.
I’m currently on probation at a company, earning about a third of the average starting salary, but I keep randomly missing home, missing my dad (my parents separated, and my siblings and I live with my mom). Every morning I cry, and I dread having to go to work. I feel useless, like I can’t accomplish anything — while my parents spent so much money putting me through school. That thought makes me even more disappointed in myself.
I’m torn between two options: staying in the city, even though I have no idea where this job is heading; or going back to my hometown — closer to family, but with far fewer job opportunities. If I can’t find something suitable there, my only option would be factory work, and I’m scared I wouldn’t be able to handle it — not to mention the neighbors talking about how someone who went to university ended up back home working in a factory.
Right now I feel completely lost about my life, terribly disappointed in myself, unsure of anything. Even though I get to go home every weekend, I still don’t understand what’s wrong with me.
The answer:
Hi there — you just graduated. Usually, at this stage, young people are excited to start working. But you’re feeling stressed and homesick instead, and that’s not random at all.
This feeling of homesickness is actually an avoidance response, born out of anxiety and fear. You said the job itself isn’t too demanding, yet you’re still stressed — and that stress keeps growing over time — because its source isn’t coming from the outside. It’s coming from within you.
You’re carrying a fear of being judged, and that fear is growing a little more each day. When anxiety takes hold, some part of you instinctively searches for a place that feels safe — that’s why you miss home, even though you already go back every weekend. You miss your dad more, not necessarily because he makes you feel safer than your mom does, but possibly because you’re currently living with your mom, and you may be carrying more pressure from being judged by her.
When someone is frequently judged by loved ones during childhood, their brain can grow into what’s essentially an “anxious brain.” Just having someone evaluate or comment on your work — like a manager giving feedback — can be enough to send you straight into anxiety. Sometimes even an ordinary, friendly question can make your heart race with fear.
Going back to your hometown is, in reality, a plan built on avoidance. You want to be near family to feel safer — but your family is also the very source that’s made you familiar with the feeling of being judged in the first place. So going home, which seems like it would bring safety, might not actually deliver on that. If your salary is low, if you can’t find a job, or if you’re not earning as much as others, you’ll likely face judgment all over again — this time inside your own home. A habit of judgment built over 20 years isn’t something that changes easily overnight.
The economy right now is difficult, and job opportunities are shrinking. Not landing a good job right after graduation is completely normal — don’t blame yourself for it. Plenty of people who’ve graduated, even those with experience, are still struggling to find work.
You’re currently being driven by a fear of judgment. It’s what’s pulling you toward the idea of going home, what’s fueling your disappointment in yourself, and what keeps dragging you into a spiral of negative thoughts. Don’t let that anxiety control your thinking and your actions.
Bring your body back to a state of safety by taking 10 deep belly breaths whenever you feel anxiety or fear rising. Whenever you need to make an important decision, take those same 10 deep breaths first — to make sure you’re thinking with a clear mind, not being driven by anxiety and fear.
Practice meditation for 10–20 minutes every day to bring your body back to a state of safety more consistently. If you stick with it for a few months, your anxiety will noticeably decrease.
When working or relaxing, try to stay fully focused on one thing at a time instead of constantly jumping between tasks — avoid scrolling your phone too fast, and steer clear of short videos under 60 seconds. Staying focused helps prevent anxiety from suddenly creeping in, and keeps your mind at peace for longer.
If you’d like to understand more deeply how these emotions actually work — and how to master them instead of being swept away by them — you can check out the book Demystifying Anxiety, Fear and Anger.
Don’t forget to subscribe to follow the Demystifying Psychology series, where you’ll learn how emotions really work and how to master them with practical, real-world methods.